Counselling versus Self-Improvement

Most people would see the need to go to counselling only if they had a ‘problem’. However what people learn in counselling are skills that can be transferred to many areas in life. For example improved communication skills can work just as effectively in the workplace and in social settings, as they do for couples who are experiencing relationship difficulties, because many of the problems that occur with relationships are based around ineffective communication skills. This shows itself as blaming, getting defensive, getting angry etc when so much of this could be avoided if communicating with others was more positive. There are definite skills that can be learnt to communicate more effectively. For example using “I” statements gets much better results than using “you” statements. Which sounds less threatening, 1 or 2? 1 is “You made me angry when you came home late last night. You know I don’t like it and you do it deliberately. Why do you get me so angry?” Compare this to 2 “I get all worked up when you come home late. I know it’s not your fault but I wanted to talk to you about it, see if we can work through it”. The second presentation should feel less threatening. Of course if your partner decides to get angry no matter which way you put it, that then becomes his or her issue. At least you have begun to modify your approach and improve the relationship. So it is less of having a problem and more of learning useful skills that you can take with you and use anywhere to improve all relationships