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A Little Less Thinking

2010-05-11T19:10:00.001-07:00

The other day I focused on the tendency for us to think too much, particularly on our problems. A lot of people are starting to believe (as many others have believed for thousands of years) that perhaps we think too much. That perhaps too many of our thoughts, well, we just don't need to have. Particularly thoughts about things that happened in the past or things that may happen in the future.

Often thoughts we have about the past, especially lingering thoughts (those thoughts we tend to have regularly) carry with them not so good feelings. The feelings can include guilt, fear, anger, worry. Once these thoughts enter our heads they tend to pollute the rest of our thinking and can negatively shape our current thoughts and behaviours.

If we could allow those thoughts in but hosed them down so that they had less impact - well the chance would be those thoughts would have less power to pollute the rest of our thinking and behaviours. Worth thinking about!

Problems and who we are

2010-05-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

What problems do you have? Do you find you regularly think about those problems? Do you think about how your problems will affect your future? Do you think about how your problems have been shaped by the past? Do you think about your problems a lot?

If 10 is the maximum amount of mind energy you can have, so a 10 would mean you are thinking about something - maybe your problems all the time, and 0 means you don't think about your problems at all, what number would you give the amount of time you spend thinking about your problems? 10? 8? 6? 4? For every bit of mind energy you put into thinking about your problems, it's less mind energy you have to put into just being here, right here and now, enjoying everything that right now has to offer. It's worth thinking about!

Do you think too much?

2010-04-22T05:29:00.000-07:00

Try this exercise. Find a quiet place and concentrate 100% on your breathing. Feel the breath going in and then let your lungs totally empty. Gently push all the air out. Now allow your lungs to refill all by themselves. You do not need to force the air in. Just let it happen naturally. Keep repeating this exercise for 1 minute. Air in, air out. Then notice how many thoughts enter your head while you are trying to just concentrate on breathing, air in and air out. Everytime you get a thought, notice it and then let it go as you focus back on your breathing, air in, air out. How long is it before another thought enters your head and distracts you from totally concentrating on your breathing? How difficult it is to totally live in the moment!

What's the benefit of computer use and physical fitness?

2010-04-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

A new study indicates that a combination of mild physical activity and computer use can lead to a lessening of mild cognitive (thinking process) impairment in later life. To find out more click here

Men Live Longer In The Big Smoke

2010-04-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

A recent Aussie study has shown that men living in rural areas tend to live aorund 7 years less than their city counterparts. For the full story click here

More on Living Now...

2010-04-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

It can be difficult in a 'thinking' society to devote all of our energy to right now. We have learnt to worry and overly plan or analyse too much, not only the future but the past. Many of the decisions we make today are based on fear or guilt. We may worry that we 'should' do something or regret decisions made yesterday. If we accept yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to come, we can focus all of our energy on right now. One of the simplest ways to do this is when you are out driving or just enjoying the outside in some way. Next time you are driving or out walking in the beautiful country side that is the Margaret River region, focus all of your attention on 'now'. See how hard it can be. Look at all that is around you, the beautiful trees, the sounds of the birds, the feel of the breeze on your skin, how your toes feel in your shoes, take in the moment 100%. What will be hard to do is sustain this for very long because thoughts will start to creep in that take you away from now. They could be "What are we going to have for dinner?", "My mother arrives tomorrow - I wonder how that will go?", "I think I stuffed up that interview yesterday" and on it goes. So next time you are out amongst nature, catch yourself with when you start thinking of anything other than right now. Say to yourself - "oh there's another thought" and then let it go. As I mentioned, at first you will find it difficult to just not think - but it is possible!

Struggling or living now?

2010-04-06T05:25:00.000-07:00

There is a movement out there in mainstream therapy and for a lot longer in 'Eastern Ways' that indicates the more we live in the 'now' the more we can get out of life. So what does this mean? Well it can mean that the more we hang on to baggage from the past or wait for tomorrow, the less we live in the now.

So what does living in the now mean? It means being right here and now. If you are reading this blog, it means that reading this blog, where ever you are, is the sum total of living - there is nothing more or nothing less. This could be really scary for some people! Surely we have to keep ahead of ourselves? Constantly keep an eye on the clock, think about the meeting this afternoon, remember to pick up the kids, all that sort of thing. These things are important of course, but what you would be surprised with is how much we over think. It is estimated that up to 80% of the thoughts we have in a day we do not really need to have.

If you are reading this blog and thinking about the argument you had with someone yesterday or the interview you have tomorrow - or what ever it may be that is causing you to think about the past or the future, then the less energy you have to devote to right now.

What would happen if you devoted all your energy to right now - living in the moment? Well there would be no guilt, no fear, nothing less than being full, right now. It's a weird concept but if you trust, it can be. 100% right here, right now. No fear, no guilt, no negative emotions. Simply the ability to deal with life with 100% focus right now. If you would like to know more, send me an email at support@gr8relationships.com. Here's to living now from Mark Lockyer

To change or not to change

2010-04-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

"Faced with the choice of changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof"

John Kenneth Galbraith

Is it possible to live in the now?

2010-03-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to live in the now? An interesting concept is that if you think you have a problem and you are constantly thinking about it, are you really in the here and now? Find a quiet place, sit down, and ask yourself "right now, here and now - do I have a problem?" I think you will find it hard to say "yes". It takes a bit of practise but give it a go. This may help quiten the thoughts that can nag us constantly. Worth a try - but remember old habits die hard. You will find yourself resisting it. But like anything - it gets easier with practise!

Habits - do we really know we have them?

2010-03-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

We are creatures of habit – I’m sure we’ve heard that said before. The interesting thing about that statement is the idea that maybe we have choice in that habit we are a creature of. Often I don’t think we do. I see this in relationship counselling. Couples come to counselling because something is not working, they’ve grown apart, lost interest in each other, argue and many other reasons.
The habit part comes into it when together in counselling we try and explore why these problems have arisen. That’s when it’s good to look at the past. So much of what we learn in life, particularly the way we interact with others, we learn from a very early age. They say that by the time we are 2 years of age, we have just about seen everything we will ever see in life (trees, cars, the ocean, people etc). There is also the saying that ‘show me the child at 7 and I’ll show you the adult’. Again it’s an indication that we learn habits very early in life. Now by habits here I mean how to deal with things. Our biggest teachers are our primary caregivers – often our parents. As children we soak their behaviours up like sponges. How are they talking to each other? How do they react to each other? Do they argue a lot? Do they show a lot of love? What habits do they have? Does dad sulk when they have a disagreement? Does mum burst into tears and go to her mothers? These observations we often make without realising it and take with us into adulthood and become our habits to some degree. Counselling helps create a better awareness of these habitual patterns of behaviour so that they can be changed where needed.

Counselling versus Self-Improvement

2010-03-17T05:41:00.000-07:00

Most people would see the need to go to counselling only if they had a ‘problem’. However what people learn in counselling are skills that can be transferred to many areas in life. For example improved communication skills can work just as effectively in the workplace and in social settings, as they do for couples who are experiencing relationship difficulties, because many of the problems that occur with relationships are based around ineffective communication skills. This shows itself as blaming, getting defensive, getting angry etc when so much of this could be avoided if communicating with others was more positive. There are definite skills that can be learnt to communicate more effectively. For example using “I” statements gets much better results than using “you” statements. Which sounds less threatening, 1 or 2? 1 is “You made me angry when you came home late last night. You know I don’t like it and you do it deliberately. Why do you get me so angry?” Compare this to 2 “I get all worked up when you come home late. I know it’s not your fault but I wanted to talk to you about it, see if we can work through it”. The second presentation should feel less threatening. Of course if your partner decides to get angry no matter which way you put it, that then becomes his or her issue. At least you have begun to modify your approach and improve the relationship. So it is less of having a problem and more of learning useful skills that you can take with you and use anywhere to improve all relationships